Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
