so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
