She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
