Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
