Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
