Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
