my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
