i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
