im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
