His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Never joke about your clitoris.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
