Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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