And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
