My brain says no but my pants say off.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
