Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize