i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
