She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
