last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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