party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She swung at the pinata with crutches
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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