So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Actions speak louder than pants.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
