I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
