and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
May the power of my ass compel you!!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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