He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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