So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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