I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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