turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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