According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
