apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
