I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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