But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Can I color on your dick again?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
