the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
