how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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