already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
