just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
