My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
