my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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