i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
