Just fell off a train. Bad.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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