that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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