so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
