So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
