my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Let's paint friendship bongs
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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