I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
wakey wakey hands off snakey
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
