it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
