1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
