There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Dicks are not precious.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
