K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
it was like his penis was on wheels.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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