I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
