Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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