he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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