If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
