at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
