I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
