I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
