I'm going to jail i love you
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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