Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just found a bag of teeth...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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