I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
