Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
