did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
