I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize