im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
