I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Never underestimate the power of titties
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
