I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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