Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
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when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
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My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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