I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
