Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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