think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
