Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
