She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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