Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
