found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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