A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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