I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
