I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
