would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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