I hope mine doesn't look like that
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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