Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
