Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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